Christopher WaldeckG.I. Joe A lesson in guilty pleasure
August 9th 2009 01:32
Hasbro has shown us how it's lovable toys and cartoon characters can be adapted into loud, obnoxious and mainstream action films. However, G.I. Joe takes the top spot when it comes to an empty headed action film that has no idea what it's doing, but is still ridiculously fun and cheesy at the same time. I was hoping that quality wise this would be better than Transformers revenge of the fallen, but Stephen Sommers proved that he can go even lower like TNA and Victory Road 2009.
The film stars Channing Tatum as Duke, a ground soldier whose job is too deliver a new nanomite weapon safely to a government facility. He is accompanied by his friend Ripcord(a perfect Marlon Wayans, one of the few saving graces of this film) who wants to go into the air force rather than fight on the ground. Duke however, wants to stay on the ground and be where the fight is, well I guess It's better than Iraq. Of course, they are attacked by an unknown group of assailants including the baroness(Sienna Miller), who was once Duke's fiancee, but left him after an accident involving the death of her brother Rex(Joseph Gordon Lewitt, who deserves much better than this.) which she blames him for. They are soon rescued by Scarlett(Rchel Nichols), Snake Eyes(Ray Park), and Heavy Duty(Adewale Akinnoyue-Agbaje). When Duke and Ripcord are demanded to hand over the weapons in oder for the Joes to deport them to safety. They refuse and demand that they go with them and later join the Joes, a secret fighting force which resides in the pit, led by General hawk(Dennis Quaid, who is actually really good as the dead serious general with such cheesy dialogue). They hold the warheads which belong to MARS(not the planet, but a weapons company) led by Mcullen(a terrific and oily Christopher Eccelston, who still deserve better than this.) he turns on the Joes and sends his unit to retrieve the warhead and destroy The Pit. His plan is too use the weapons to use terror to terrorize the thousands of people till they turn to the president for help. Spoiler, you should already be able to detect the real plot, but sadly you'll lose several brain cells listening to the crappiest dialogue I've ever heard in a non porn movie. The script made the acting seem like reality television only ten times worst. They spent over 175 million dollars on this movie and they didn't even focus on the script. The visual effects were huge, and massive, but there were so many that they couldn't furnish half of them. Some of the effects looked way too cheesy to be even considered visual effects. I'll admit the actors tried their best with the dull dialogue that they had especially the dialogue given to Channing Tatum. He seemed like a half asleep wooden tree the entire movie. i could've sworn he was a robot. He was more lifeless than Hayden Christenen. The only good points in this film were the hotness of Sierra Miller and a few of the awesome effects., oh and Marlon Wayans, other than that this was your average meat headed action film, that could've been saved if whoever was making this movie knew what the hell they were doing. this made Transformers 2 look like the best script ever and I couldn't even tell that film had a script.
Review D
The film stars Channing Tatum as Duke, a ground soldier whose job is too deliver a new nanomite weapon safely to a government facility. He is accompanied by his friend Ripcord(a perfect Marlon Wayans, one of the few saving graces of this film) who wants to go into the air force rather than fight on the ground. Duke however, wants to stay on the ground and be where the fight is, well I guess It's better than Iraq. Of course, they are attacked by an unknown group of assailants including the baroness(Sienna Miller), who was once Duke's fiancee, but left him after an accident involving the death of her brother Rex(Joseph Gordon Lewitt, who deserves much better than this.) which she blames him for. They are soon rescued by Scarlett(Rchel Nichols), Snake Eyes(Ray Park), and Heavy Duty(Adewale Akinnoyue-Agbaje). When Duke and Ripcord are demanded to hand over the weapons in oder for the Joes to deport them to safety. They refuse and demand that they go with them and later join the Joes, a secret fighting force which resides in the pit, led by General hawk(Dennis Quaid, who is actually really good as the dead serious general with such cheesy dialogue). They hold the warheads which belong to MARS(not the planet, but a weapons company) led by Mcullen(a terrific and oily Christopher Eccelston, who still deserve better than this.) he turns on the Joes and sends his unit to retrieve the warhead and destroy The Pit. His plan is too use the weapons to use terror to terrorize the thousands of people till they turn to the president for help. Spoiler, you should already be able to detect the real plot, but sadly you'll lose several brain cells listening to the crappiest dialogue I've ever heard in a non porn movie. The script made the acting seem like reality television only ten times worst. They spent over 175 million dollars on this movie and they didn't even focus on the script. The visual effects were huge, and massive, but there were so many that they couldn't furnish half of them. Some of the effects looked way too cheesy to be even considered visual effects. I'll admit the actors tried their best with the dull dialogue that they had especially the dialogue given to Channing Tatum. He seemed like a half asleep wooden tree the entire movie. i could've sworn he was a robot. He was more lifeless than Hayden Christenen. The only good points in this film were the hotness of Sierra Miller and a few of the awesome effects., oh and Marlon Wayans, other than that this was your average meat headed action film, that could've been saved if whoever was making this movie knew what the hell they were doing. this made Transformers 2 look like the best script ever and I couldn't even tell that film had a script.
Review D
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